Red Rum

So if you're a guy this may be a blog to pass over because female issues are involved. Consider this a spoiler warning.

I've been regular for quite a while till recently when things have just been a hormonal mess. Spotting, then pseudo periods where I think I am but then I'm not?! Yeah it's been weird! So I haven't been having a full on normal period for a few months now. But you know how some women who lose an extreme amount of weight just stop having their periods maybe because of some weight gain its messed up my cycle. Or a worse thought I'm all out of eggs! Eek Gad!

Day two. Usually all I want to do is sleep. I suspect I may be anemic. I slept 16 hours today. My body was aching and I thought this time I'm going to the doctor because something is wrong with me other than the obvious. But what do you know the doctor only works 3 days a week and today wasn't one of those days. So I ask if I can make an appointment for when he will be there and the receptionist tells me she has an opening for April 24. WTF I can't find out what's wrong with me for another 2 weeks? Fuck that shit! My insurance is changing May 1 and then I'll have to start going to a different doctor. I guess I can wait a little longer to find out I'm barren.

A year's hiatus

For the longest time I could not remember my password...I still don't know what it is/was luckily I just needed a google account. So much has gone on that I cannot even attempt a recap. A few memorable moments. Beginning of last year I ended some toxic relationships as well as a toxic job. Tried to find myself... don't know if that happened...but I had a lot of fun trying. This entailed many odd jobs, classes and lessons (scuba, salsa, japanese, portuguese) as well as random dating in hopes of washing out preconcieved preferences and typcasting. As I was about to swear off dating again I found the one. It's funny because I blew him off initially, and almost did not go on a date with him. Thankfully he was persistent. I've been crazy happy in love from Ryan's birthday in Sept till now. Too mushy for you? Too bad! hahaha so Jen got married and is having a baby!!! My friend Eli had a baby girl! Kuni moved to Singapore with baby Zoe. =( I miss them both terribly! My bro got a divorce (something I never thought would happen) but niece and newphews are getting cuter by the day. My friend Annie has adopted a lil girl and is bringing her home from the philippines. Had to get a restraining order on an ex roommate who the other night tried to kill me with her car. I'm really thinking of moving to be closer to my bro bros and niece and nephews...so it may be Sin City for me soon.

peace out

I Do Be Da Pittiest Pittiest Girl I Do Be Dat

This one is close to home. One lazy lollygagging afternoon I turn on the boobtube. I don't know...something to do while having lunch? I can see how people get hooked on daytime TV now.

But in getting to the meaty stuff you have to go through Alot of BAD commercials. I've watched waaaaay too many friggin commercials on Brooks College, Westwood College, Meric College. What kind of a college is it that you get motivated to go to from sitting on your arse all day? Just like you, I used to sit in front of the TV all day eating bon bons getting fat and watching Jerry Springer, then I saw a commercial on COLLEGE FLYBYNIGHT and it's changed my life for the better, Forever! Now after only studying 6 weeks I'm a certified dental hygienist and can afford to send my 5 kids to Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Standford, and UCLA. All thanks to FLYBYNIGHT College. I'm now also prettier than I was in my Before shots and I'm in a uniform so you know I must be professional! Call FLYBYNIGHT Today! ...Why? Because I did.

So anyways don't you just hate it when you obsess over stuff you hate like awful bandwagon commercials? Do it because I did...and look at me now! Oh yeah, I'm dialing as we speak!

Back to the meat...Starting Over House and Life Coaches! There's this one slightly overweight, not that attractive, middle aged woman who I relate to. And her life coach brings her this sculpture that seems to be made out of masking tape. Just layers and layers of it wound around and around to form the shape of what looks to her to be two women.

Life Coach: What do you see?
Woman Damaged Beyond Repair Who Thinks She'll Solve It On TV
(W.D.B.R.W.T.S.S.I.O.T): I see me and my mom.
I see love.
It's a very loving relationship. Giving. Sharing.
(interject your awwws HERE)
Life Coach: I want you to peel off that tape and see what's underneath(W.D.B.R.W.T.S.S.I.O.T): She's peeling off all the tape and doesn't know what she'll find underneath but suspects it to be two dolls that have just been mummified with the packaging tape. But as she's peeling away it changes shape and becomes smaller and smaller until it's something totally different and discovers...IT's a Heart...Cracked in Half.
Life Coach: Comes back from a donut break (I suspect cuz she's packing some herself there) Now what did you find underneath all that tape?
(W.D.B.R.W.T.S.S.I.O.T): A broken heart. It wasn't love at all!
Life Coach: You can't give something you haven't got. (OUCH mutha!)

Basically Life Coach tells W.D.B.R.W.T.S.S.I.O.T that it's okay to have a broken heart, it's okay to have problems and issues, it's okay, the real problem was how she dealt with it. Was by dressing it up into something else making it look like something entirely different and MASKING it. It's not nice and it's not pretty, It's definately not love. So this grown woman has been trying to pass herself off as something she wasn't her whole life. AND this is who I identify with? Fuck yeah, sadly it's true. Sheeet I even made it my profession...dang packaging designer...oh yeah I know how to make nickel and dime items look money baby. Hence the end of that chapter. Letting go of the pretty packaging because it's okay to be broken...

A Dream of Psychics

I had a dream.

A psychic was calling me. I knew it was a psychic for some strange reason. I hung up or pressed the hang up icon (aka disconnect/off for some reason always represented by a red button) on my cel phone. Well, you're not really hanging up on a person but it will make it go automatically to voicemail. So I immediately dial my Voicemail to see what he had to say.

He says he'd like to speak with me in an eager pleasant way...unwelcomed pleasantry for me. It scared me to think what he wanted to speak to me about or worse affirming what I already knew. Thoughts of a smug Eddie in Leave it to Beaver come to mind.

I woke up. Just like one to be vague and leave you hanging with predictions like death is in your horizon...Death is on all our horizons! How did I know who was calling me? I'm trying to tell myself something that I don't want to know is my interpretation. It was 4am. Damn psychics. Calling all hours of the night.

Marie Antoinette

I was able to catch the preview...whilst watching Memoirs of a Geisha one night...they played it just for me. I sat there alone in the theater. Yes, it was an existential moment. New Order's, Age of Consent played in the background. It's basically a montage of Marie traipsing around Europe with friends and lovers having a grand 'ol time. I love how a period piece has the gumption to use modern music in the trailer...not only that but you should see the graphics used for the title/credits at the end! It has a look straight out of 80's brit pop; better yet check it out for yourself!



After Lost in Translation I'm looking forward to this next film of Sophia Coppola's hopefully it's better than her wine. Atrocious. The rose is a vibrant pink much like the pink used at the end credits of Marie Antoinette actually! It's described as flowery and fruity, delicate and racy, reminiscent of wine served in the seaside cafe's of the meditteranean. Well racy enough for a sailor I guess. In any case the MTV like music video/trailer of her movie was enough to catch my interest so watchout - FALL 2006.

Auspicious Words or Phrases / Year of the DAWG

Kung hei fat choi, Kung hei fat choy, Kung hey fat choi?!? =/

Or in Hokkien, Keong hee huat chye. This loosely translates to: Congratulations and be prosperous.

Chinese New Year's or the Lunar New Year is one of our most important holidays. Legend has it that it all began in ancient China with a man eating beast named Nian; who could silently enter homes and feed upon his prey. The villagers soon got wind that Nian was sensitive to loud noises and the color red. Hence began the custom of fireworks, explosives and liberal use of RED that is still witnessed today. It was also a time to honor Heaven and Earth and family ancestors. I'm so reminicing right now over, Big Trouble in Little China. I'm going to have to watch this movie again for nostalgia's sake.

Now though Chinese New Year's isn't really about surviving the ravaging beast, Nian; it's more about the return home for a reunion dinner with the family which for me was not possible this year so I returned to my extended family. I got an ang paw (red envelope) for being unmarried...finally a small reward for still being single. AND I don't ever remember my parents giving me any red envelope for being single they probably don't want to give me any incentives for that. Just as well because back home we go all out.

The entire house is already cleaned, every door and window is opened. My mother has platters set out with candy and oranges, tangerines, bowls of chocolate gold coins set in rice (uncooked). Tons of food set before our ancestors. Yes we're totally old school in that our house has pictures of dearly departed members. Incense is burned for them and food put before them. I'm talking Whole chicken and fish...it's a feast for the dead. We also have these rice type of cakes that we give and recieve as gifts called Tikoy. Basically it's a PIGOUT day of complete gluttony.

We burn paper/prayers that have been prefolded and shaped like boats. Basically I'll spend the day making paper boats out of this gold foil and then in seconds it literally goes up in flames. Someone goes room to room with a pail that's smoking and goes to each room filling it with smoke in every corner. This is supposedly to ward off evil spirits and a cleansing ritual but it's hell on my asthma!

A dragon comes to visit and they do the dragon dance. We try to put the Ang Paw (Red Envelope) really high so they have to step on each other to get to it make them work for the money. So the dragon eats the plums or some sort of fruit that we set for it.

My dad gets the fireworks and these are strictly from China so even the kid's are scared of THESE sparklers. They're just as likely to take a finger off as if it were a cherry bomb. He'd grumble saying no fireworks or how he didn't want to celebrate it...but end up like a kid in a candy shop when he'd see a stand and buy a ridiculous assortment of fireworks...roman candles, rockets, missiles, fountains, those dangerous sparklers, well they're all dangerous, but my lil bro and sis won't even touch these sparklers and they hate fireworks in general. Then there's the good for nuthin one. It doesn't sparkle or fly it just makes obnoxious noise! I call it the machine gun. It's like a chain all linked in a strip and seems to go on forever; you have to cover your ears and that only barely filters it out a bit. BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG! endless aaaaaaaaaack!

He always buys too much; the neighbors come out and start lighting our fireworks and helping themselves. Not that we mind. Because it's like a tradition now. Like a good neighbor I'm handing out these dangerous SPARKLERS to kids. hahaha Who needs all 10 fingers anyways really we could live just as well with 9 or 8 or 7 1/2. 10 seems almost too much and it's more of a luxury if you have 10. Then just before midnight my Dad lights of the SOB machine gun that makes you want to tear your ears off...right at Midnight everyone honks the horn of every car in the driveway. Everyone is holding some sort of container with coins and shakes it, simultaneously blowing their horns/noisemakers, and yelling Happy New Year. Absolute pollution of noise, smoke, and people, I can't breathe at this point our nostrels are full of black soot from the fireworks and firecrackers. Illegally loud I swear...

This year, no dragons, no machine guns, no bowls filled with rice and chocolate coins, no tikoy, no bowls of tangerines, no soot filled noses, no smokey rooms. My hearing is perfect...I miss going a little deaf.

God I miss home.

Let them Eat CAKE, she said

German chocolate cake just came out of the oven...finally firm and even, warm and moist still. Letting it cool before I put on the coconut icing. I turned it over and it was a beautiful thing. I remember the heartbreak last time when it broke off in pieces here and there and I had to do patchwork with icing. For Chinese New Year's dinner my contribution is so un-Chinesey yet appropriately me. While the cake cools....

Now I don't watch too much TV as in at all but when I do almost everything seems strange to me. In the time it took my cake to cool alone I've observed the following...

Icebreakers Gum:
So I just caught the new tvc (tele-vision commercial) with Hillary Duff and her lesser known, lesser blonde sister Haley. And with a cameo if that be possible for a 30seconder commercial of Joey from Blossom doing his signature, "Whoa!" as their product tagline. Wasn't the previous commercial of theirs with Ashley and Jessica Simpson? Are they doing a Doublemint Sister thing? Hershey's the manufacturer is clearly doing a rip off of Wrigleys' Doublemint. Double your pleasure, double your fun. Trivia did you know Wrigley's has a patent on a formula with one of the main ingredients of Viagra. Viagra Gum? Oh! Double my pleasure alright! Now that's something I can Whoa! to =p teehee

So next time a girl gives you a stick either
A. She's saying you have bad breath or
B. She wants to have sex with you.

And this one will have a warning that no other will have. Keep away from children!!! A gum that you won't find over the counter. Will men have to slyly whisper to the cashier psssst... a pack of Wrigley's Virile gum please. Or an offshoot of Doublemint but like a new and improved formula just for men "NOW with Viagra". What's next? Viagra Cologne...Sexy Beast! RAWRrrr!

I noticed alot of beautiful black women in several commercials. I'd never seen so many before or consecutively so I mention it to my roommate and she informs me yeah this is a black channel. So I'm watching channel 13 or as she calls it the black channel and it's some show with Bernie Mac. I don't know is it just me or is his fro just constantly in an awkward growing out stage? Then I noticed he calls other men Baby. Men calling men baby...as in, What's up Baby? I can't get used to it. And this is hetersexual salutations. This is too much TV for me.

Then another commercial, but I have to stop and watch this one. Really! It's David Boreanaz for goodness sakey. It's Angel being an angel. Awww. It's National Mentoring Month. The message is clear and Yes, teachers are my hero. Which got me to thinking about my 7th grade english teacher Mrs. McCaig, the sweetest, kindest, most supportive teacher I've ever had. She sent me to the principle's office one day for a short story I'd written; it was a psychotic thriller called Sweet Jane. I guess they thought I had the makings of a psychopath. The following year I didn't try so hard; I got a really mean teacher named Miss (as in I'll forever remain single because I'm old and a bitch beyond belief, with more wrinkles than a manatee) Michaels. I paid the price for it though because she sent my ass to remedial English freshman year of high school. I was with ESL students, a handful of the popular but dumb kids and then the just plain average ordinary tards.

TV...has taken me from Icebreaker commercials, viagra gum, the black channel, strange manly yet covertly sexual greetings of the same sex and orientation, Angel! doing a commercial about teachers being our mentors and heroes, my 7th grade English teacher Mrs. McCaig (good), my 8th grade English tormentor Ms. Michaels (evil) and it all boils down to that ey...Click. Time to ice my cake.